An Amicable Divorce: How to Make It Happen
When two people decide to end a partnership that’s as intimate and intricate as a marriage, the resulting situations are seldom peaceful or amicable. Things become even more complicated when there are kids involved.
In fact, it would be fair to state that amicable divorces are not always a possibility either. Nevertheless, if the two parties are willing to come to terms at least on some level, things can certainly be ended on a note that’s as peaceful as possible, given the circumstances.
Why Should You Care about an Amicable Divorce?
As mentioned previously, a lot depends on the circumstances. There are indeed situations where that is not a possibility, especially if one or more instances of violence are cited as the cause. For more civil situations, there are plenty of reasons as to why both parties should focus on ending things as peacefully as possible.
First and foremost, if a marriage is about to end, then there is very little that either party can salvage from it by dragging the divorce on for any longer than it needs to. Even in cases where only one of the partners is convinced about getting a divorce, the emotional bond between them is already gone. The party looking for a divorce is already over the other emotionally and simply refusing to sign some papers will not mend that.
Difficult as it must be to accept such developments, it is important for the other party to also start moving on. Holding onto a one-sided relationship can only bring about more misery and melancholy. It’s best to take the time necessary to get everything sorted first and then move on to prepare for a new chapter of their life. It’s an important decision that’s necessary to save one’s own self from sustained emotional pain.
Finally, there are the children to consider for couples that have them. Irrespective of how the children may react or even choose not to react, parents divorcing each other is never good news for them. As parents, it is the duty of both parents to not make them a part of any unpleasantness which may ensue from the decision to separate.
Unfortunately, it is impossible to keep children completely away from feeling the negativity, but it can be so much worse for them to see their parents fight with each other during the course of the divorce. They will be stressed on account of the divorce; parental fights will only multiply their stress and anxiety to dangerous degrees.
What If You Feel Scared?
It was mentioned previously that the idea of an amicable divorce and a violent partner do not mix well together. It may not even be possible to reach a peaceful solution in such cases. However, it is quite possible that your partner has never been violent towards you, but just the idea of bringing up such a big topic is scaring you into stalling the inevitable.
Whatever the cause for your fear might be, it is best not to ignore fear about such emotional developments. Arrange for one or two mutually trusted and liked friends to be there when you are about to break the news.
If you have kids, make sure that they are not home when you break the news. Some emotional outbursts are inevitable, and your children do not need to be a part of that. If sending them to an extended family member is not a feasible option, break the news at a mutual friend’s place. Although the classic advice would be to talk amongst yourselves in private first, these precautions can be extremely important if you feel guilty and scared, or just scared.
How to Mediate the Terms Peacefully
Once the initial news is broken and some time has passed, it’s important that both partners talk again and find mutual ground for the divorce agreement’s legal terms. This is usually the part that takes the longest and leads to long term hostilities between the two partners.
Fortunately, most divorce mediations can be expedited with professional intervention. An amicable divorce is one that does not drag out the mediation process for even a day longer than it absolutely needs to. To ensure a speedy divorce mediation in Los Angeles, choose a law firm that has specializes in Californian Family Law.
What If You Feel Guilty?
If you feel guilty for taking the decision to end your marriage, then rethinking your options is always a possibility. However, a relationship as fundamental as marriage should not be held together by guilt. If you really want a divorce but you also feel guilty, then it’s best to discuss the situation with your wife/husband first.
Although the children will be hurt to some degree, no matter what you do, remember that it’s still better for them to not live in an unhappy household.
After that, give them the time and support that they need to end the marriage as peacefully as it can be under the circumstances. Consult a divorce attorney, prior to asking for a divorce or even talking about it with your partner. They will be able to provide you with valuable insight regarding how things are likely to proceed after the decision to get a divorce is finalized. However, do not serve your partner a divorce notice out of the blue.
A consultation with any attorney is private and they will not take any action that you do not authorize them to take. Gather what you can from the initial consultation and then approach your partner for the difficult but essential discussion first. If you send them a divorce notice without talking to them about it first, that can never end amicably.
To maintain a friendly relationship even after divorce is not necessary in most cases, but that’s only when you don’t have children together. If you do have children, then at least a civil relationship would be necessary to maintain for the sake of your children. A lot of how civil that relationship remains will depend on how the marriage ended.